i barfeds in our rink
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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