i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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