you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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