Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
