How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
