totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
