you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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