she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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