I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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