Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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