I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The uberlube is also flammable
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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