Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
