at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
