it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
