I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
two words: eviction party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
