Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
