just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
