He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
