dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
