Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
