Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
