I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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