I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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