I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
