WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Boobs are out for the taking
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
