Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
