i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
