I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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