Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
