how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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