i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
