I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
