I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
