porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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