I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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