Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
