I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
