im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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