she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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