My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
