Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
