Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
