I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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