Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
