have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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