Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
