mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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