Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
