No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
