Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
