Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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