I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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