I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
