What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's blow job season.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
