I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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