i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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